


The Butts of a Joke

by AHandWriter



Category: Persona 5, Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Don't take it seriously, Gen, I used the Persona 5 protagonist's "canonical name" here, Joker and Piranha Plant would be friends, Probably a bit OOC (maybe? I haven't played Persona 5), Rumors, Sneaking out of bed at night when everyone else is pretty much asleep, Take That Me For Creating the Best Stage Ever (not), The Author Regrets Nothing, at least when out of battle, because... they're DLC fighters? who knows, okay the rumors thing is actually one of the most crack-fic like things I've ever made up, someone please take Stage Builder away from me
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-21
Packaged: 2020-01-23 02:45:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,575
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18540715
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHandWriter/pseuds/AHandWriter
Summary: Along with the days leading up to his inclusion in the Ultimate Era, a certain Phantom Thief's first day (and night) doesn't exactly go as well as he had first thought. Inspired by a conversation with a friend of mine, my headcanons, and first times playing as Joker in SSBU. (Don't worry, I actually like Joker. I think he's cool.)





	The Butts of a Joke

The recent days for Ren Amamiya, or Joker as he was known to almost everybody, had been interesting so far. After making a spectacle at a video game event, he somehow ended up here in the Smash Mansion.

He was in his room when he looked at the letter in his hand again; he had kept it ever since he took it in the theater where the event took place. It was one of the many fabled _Super Smash Bros_. invitation letters, the one given by the beings called Master Hand and Crazy Hand.

_Master Hand and Crazy Hand_.

Earlier that day, before he even arrived in the _Smash_ 'verse, he and some of the other Phantom Thieves were hounded by a flurry of reporters, video game fans, and very… enthusiastic fangirls. Sure, many were excited by his inclusion in the _Ultimate_ roster, but one thing amid the frenzied crowd stood out to him:

The claim that he was somehow related to Master Hand and Crazy Hand.

It was an absurd notion, no doubt about that. Even weirder were the claims that he was a long-lost cousin, a brother, or even a son of one of the Hands. He shook his head, put the letter onto his bed, and opened the door that led out of his room.

Whatever. It was the stuff of crazed paparazzi and tabloids, but that's why he wasn't in the _Smash_ 'verse, wasn't it? Besides, how could a hand have a human child? He pushed the idea away; after all, rumors disappear after everyone gets bored with them or when they are proven wrong, which usually took between a day and a few months. Ren hoped it to be the former.

As he stepped into the empty hallway and closed the door behind him, he heard a little chirp. He grabbed for his knife—

"Hey-hey-hey! Watch where you're pointing that!" a hushed voice said.

Ren sighed, sheathing his knife.

"Oh, it's—who are you again?"

"Piranha Plant, or just Piranha," chirped the potted, plant-like creature. "I saw you against Mario earlier, you know. Great job in beating him up in Final Destination!" It formed a leaf into a thumbs-up.

"Thanks," Ren replied.

"What're you doing up at night? You up for a snack or something? I always try to sneak out to grab a snack from the kitchen. Good leftovers to eat."

Ren sighed again. "No, it's just… there's just a lot that's been going on ever since I came here, and I just wanna take a little break."

"It must be all those rumors, huh? I know, Joker—Ren—"

"Either one is fine."

"Anyway, those are just crazy rumors. Crazier than Crazy Hand. I mean, when everybody heard I was going to _Smash_ , they thought that was a crazy rumor too. That I was a joke the Hands and the developers made up. But I came here, got a few wins, and… there you go."

"Really?"

"Yup! So… wanna go and get some leftovers from the kitchen then fight with me? I mean, you are a thief, right?"

Ren laughed quietly. "I'm not that hungry."

"How 'bout you look out for me then? Just to see if anyone's following?"

"Sure, I guess," Ren said, following Piranha Plant. It hopped its way down the hall, making a series of dull _thumps_ on the maroon carpet. It stopped, then pointed its spotted eyeless face at Ren.

"Uh, can you carry me?"

So Ren picked up Piranha Plant, carefully carried it downstairs and into the kitchen, and waited outside its door as it wandered and ate from a pile of leftovers in a sink.

A few minutes later, and—

_BURP!_

Ren could only sigh as the plucky plant hopped back outside the kitchen and into his arms, showing off a toothy smile. He shook his head: it obviously did not know the meaning of the word "stealth."

 

* * *

 

The door to the Match Room shut with a loud _clang_ as Ren and Piranha Plant walked inside. They approached a large interactive screen, and Ren held up his hand to select a few options.

"Smash…" he muttered touching a red box that said exactly that. "Smash again…" touching another, "Stock Battle…"

He paused, looking at the very top of the screen; beside the "Normal" tab was something that was labeled "Custom." He pressed the R button on the console below the screen, and it changed to display only one stage.

"'Ice'," Ren said, reading the title. "What kind of a stage is this?"

"Never seen that before. Must be something new."

"Guess we can give it a try, Piranha." Ren touched the picture of the stage.

"Stock Battle!" a deep voice declared. Ren looked around the room, but Piranha Plant only giggled. "That's just a recording of Master Hand's voice, silly!"

"Oh," Ren said, adjusting his glasses. "Yeah, I better get used to that." Two _beeps_ , and he and Piranha Plant walked to separate teleporters. They readied themselves, moving the respective red and blue tokens onto their portraits and hearing their names being called out, with Ren magically changing out of his black school uniform and into a black trench coat, shirt, and boots, while a white bird-like mask appeared where his glasses were. Piranha Plant turned around and grinned at him.

"Joker!"

He smirked back, and both of them hit a dialog box that said "READY TO FIGHT!", whisking them away to the mysterious stage.

 

* * *

 

 

A giant, rotating ice cube is not everyone's first thought when they hear the word "stage," but that was exactly what Joker and Piranha Plant were fighting on. After a minute of sliding, falling, and struggling to keep up with the stage, a frustrated Joker and Piranha Plant were respectively left with one and two stocks.

"Who—"

Jump.

"Made—"

A double jump.

"This stage?"

Joker grabbed the ledge, then climbed up and slashed at Piranha Plant.

"OWIE!"

It retaliated with two bites, though Joker sidestepped just in time. They hurried to the left of the stage, sliding across its icy surface. They exchanged a few blows, then—

"Persona!"

A figure mostly in red and black appeared behind Joker. Piranha Plant dropped its jaw, giving Joker an opening to attack with Arsene and sending Piranha Plant into the distance.

Both had one stock left.

Piranha Plant jumped from its revival platform, flipped, and stomped on Joker with its pot. He fired three bullets at Piranha Plant, then ran to the left, leaving the other fighter behind him. Piranha Plant clenched its teeth, then spun its leaves like a propeller toward Joker.

Though Arsene eventually disappeared and more blows were exchanged, the two Smashers were exhausted. Their damage percentages were over 100.

"I—don'—wanna—"

"Yeah… same, Piranha."

They let themselves slide to the left, then jumped to the next side with a half-dead grace. But instead of landing with Joker, Piranha Plant fell to the bottom of the stage, his recovery move proving futile as his stock count became zero.

"GAME!"

 

* * *

 

A Smasher that won a match would usually be happy and proud of their accomplishment, meaning Ren should be glad along with Morgana, who was bouncing around him. "Smash is as wild as ever, eh Joker?"

Ren didn't say anything. Instead, he glowered at the camera filming him, Morgana, and Piranha Plant on Results Island.

"Damn whoever made that stage. Do you think I am a joke?"

Morgana and Piranha Plant gasped and looked at him in surprise. Ren's frown didn't leave even as they teleported back to the Match Room.

In a dim screening room in the Mansion, two men stared at the screen before them. One of them removed his headset and covered his slightly aged face with his gloved hand, while the seemingly younger one sitting beside him was trying—and failing—not to laugh.

"First the rumors, and now this…" Master Hand muttered.

"I know, bro! You're pretty much a mess by now," Crazy Hand said behind his gloved hand. "Guess you shouldn't have brought back Stage Builder, either."

"Don't bring up what others have created, Crazy. At least this stage was relatively tame and suitable for work, and thankfully the developers are currently on those cases."

"Oh. That's kinda sad. I hope they don't get rid of that one stage that's literally just a tiny sliver."

"Hmph. Perhaps not." Master Hand stood from his seat and transformed into his hand form. "I'll talk to our newcomer about this." He snapped his fingers and teleported out of the screening room.

"Fine," Crazy Hand grumbled, also turning into his hand form and teleporting to where his brother was holding a conversation with Ren and Piranha Plant.

 

* * *

 

In the following days, the rumors about Ren and the Hands died down. The "Ice" stage was still there, though it was only used for extremely casual matches or when the Smashers were really bored. Ren became more at ease with the rest of the residents of the Smash Mansion, though he still had his trickster streak. Whenever he went through Classic Mode, he always looked forward to the end of it, because the Hands were there. When he won against them, they would congratulate him with a thumbs-up.

Sure, they weren't literally related to each other as some of the wild claims have said, but who's to say anything to two beings that treat their seventy and counting fighters like a proud father and uncle to their children?

**Author's Note:**

> From my headcanon list about the Hands:  
> 63\. When Joker first arrived in the Smash 'verse, many people could not stop saying that he's somehow similar to the Hands and vice versa, for different reasons. Some have even said he's somehow related to them, with the wilder claims saying he was their long-lost cousin/brother/one of the Hands' son. Master Hand was bewildered by the claims, which was a rarity since he is almost never outright confused of anything. Crazy Hand thought the whole deal was funny.  
> ...  
> 63\. c. Blame the tabloids and paparazzi. Yes, such things exist in the Smash 'verse.  
> 63\. d. After a while, the rumors died down, just like many other rumors.
> 
> *The "rumor" is actually a reference to how the Persona 5 protagonist/Joker and the Hands have the same current voice actor, Xander Mobus. (The Hands were voiced by others like Jeff Manning in SSB64, Dean Harrington in Melee, and Pat Cashman in Brawl.)


End file.
